Haha. If it didn't do so much damage that inmates from Workgroup Two had to clean up, the riot would've been funny. It was a good excuse to get some serious broken bones in. Current thinking is that the riot in the mess hall was a distraction by the True Elysians to bring guards running away from the armoury. It clearly didn't work: the patriotic idiots rushing Kayyali's warehouse didn't get the weapons, thank the stars. And we know the identity of another Workgroup Zero True Elysian: Jan Beno, clearly heard shouting “For the Empire!” and “Fuck the Tel!”

Now if La Ma Ze could get round to explaining why he was seen being thrown, injured and paralysed, into the yard with the rest of the would-be raiders, that would be great…

Jimmy Maine's always dangerous, but he's stepping it up, and targeting just one Tel at a time – everyone be careful. He started trouble just after the last Workgroup Zero briefing. Some of the Coalition of Political Prisoners reported that they stepped in to help, and that the Tel involved was Stah Ye. They say Jimmy was trying to beat stargazing timings and information about the radio network out of her. Seems like there's some integrity behind this alliance; the little CPP group were pretty badly hurt weighing in.

The CPP seem to be stepping in to help her, but if her leadership falters, we could lose their help.

Hah, they didn't catch us. That'll show Yuri. Everyone save your ration biscuits next time and we'll have a midnight picnic.

He was heard shouting anti-Tel slogans at the True Elysian riot, plus he had inked some of the tattoos that they all wear on his arms at the time. They don't seem to be permanent tattoos though. On the other hand, he's putting effort into extending the hand of friendship any time he can. Opinion is divided as to whether we should accept it. Is it all a front to get a True Elysian informant in our midst?

Did she really kill Jeremiah Waters? Crap, we need our Tel doctors.

Can someone think of an anti-Elysian joke please? This is getting tiring.

Apparently the incoming ship and station blue were damaged by a solar flare. There could hardly be a more blatant bad omen.

Welcome to redemption radio, I’m your host, the redeemer. Today’s top story. Station blue repairs have been going excellently, with reports suggesting the station is now habitable, and will in fact be up and running before we all die from oxygen depletion. Well done to the brave people on that mission, they have done some excellent work which will keep us all alive in the long run, you certainly have the gratitude of the people here at this station. In other news, rumours persist that the family may have been behind the sabotage at station blue, possibly so they could make credits with black market oxygen tanks. A brief word of advice to the family, you can’t breathe credits…

‘five finger death punch, American capitalist plays’

A riot occurred recently in the cantina, with many guards reportedly being injured. Andras blake was seen kicking ass as always, as were several other inmates including a group of patriots let by a man shouting ‘ELYSIUM PREVAILS…’ choice words really, considering he was promptly punched in the face. That crazy fool got what he deserved, out here, Elysium cannot prevail, if you’re empire is so great, why are we stuck here in such dire straights. The empire is falling, fighting a pointless war it cannot win. Frankly. It’s time for new government. Even the most staunch of patriots must see that, our homes will be destroyed by this war. If you truly loved your home, you would sue for peace…

‘Edwin star, war, what is it good for plays.’

Next up it’s time for the open letter. An open letter to bland protein cubes. Ah bland protein cubes, you maintain my body, stop me dying, even allow me to exercise on occasion, but why must you always be so… well… bland? You taste worse than the newspaper the Elysian’s print their propaganda on, and frankly you have a similar texture. Even heated you aren’t much better, although the guards do love to give you to us cold. What wouldn’t I give to introduce you to my friend, chilli, they would show you one hell of a good time. Seriously though, you are terrible, and you need to improve. Kind regards. The redeemer.

‘the bouncing souls, the pizza song plays,’

Lets talk about crochet. Now I know what you’re thinking. What kind of crazy ass wanabee punk station is gonna commit social suicide by talking about crochet. Well let me tell you listeners, it’s the most fun I’ve had on this goddamn rock since we played green day on our last show. Honestly. And we’ve made the most gorgeous blankets with the class, honestly, go see them in the main hall, they are amazing. The peace we enjoyed during that class is just the kinda peace we could all enjoy if we all just stopped trying to kill each other and actually enjoyed each other’s company. Honest. Little secret for you now. Some time ago I was attacked by somebody, somebody who is now my best friend. Seriously. We work out together and everything. A stranger is just a friend you haven’t made yet. Honest.

‘rancid, old friend plays’ The missing scarf of everybody’s favourite quartermaster Kayyali continues to be missing, with knee caps across the station shaking in fear at the prospect. Seriously, what an asshole this guy is. Shooting people over a scarf. Here we are slaving to make sure her ass doesn’t suffocate, and she gets trigger happy with a bunch of prisoners. If anybody does know the whereabouts of the scarf, you are encouraged to give it up, leave it near her room or something, please. Let the goddamn scarf fiasco end. In other news rumours persist that a certain Arnir Hesran has struck again, savagely murdering 2 anonymous prisoner’s in cold blood. The bastard couldn’t even look them in the eye, preferring instead to kill them in their sleep. This presenter, despite not usually condoning violence, suggests that if he were to be ‘dealt with,’ it would not be a total disaster. He is, after all, a threat to all of us… Here’s one now, which really for me sums up my prisoner’s experience.’

‘blink 182, I wont be home for Christmas plays,’

Ahh bubba, wherever you are right now, I do wish you would open my package…

So that’s all we have time for this week listeners, thanks for tuning in. If you have any information you wish to be broadcast and you haven’t worked out who I am yet… well good luck to you.

This is the redeemer, signing off.

Stay safe out there.